Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
