Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
