the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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