i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
