I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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