Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
