why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
