I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
