Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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