dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
