The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
