This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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