Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize