office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
