If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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