thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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