I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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