Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
