I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
