So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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