Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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