i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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