dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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