does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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