What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
being pregnant is like rehab
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
