What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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