Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
