yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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