Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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