you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
