ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
