one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
