Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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