i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
