I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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