the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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