dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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