Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
