if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
