Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
