I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
