She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
