Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
