ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
