I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
