TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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