he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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