it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We are all done wearing pants today
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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