My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize