I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
