That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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