And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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