I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize