It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
