I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
