Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize