True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
