Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
