I faked an abortion last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
