Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
