the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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