I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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