I'm really into asian looking animals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
where are my eyebrows?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
