so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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