After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
