the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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