Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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