Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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