There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
