If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
