are you still at the devil's house?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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