i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
