My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize