Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
