I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
