I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
