Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize