ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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