idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
