i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
