If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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