Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
