My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
