i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
