I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
