could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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