There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
