is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
