Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You work out of a Hotel?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
