is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize