nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
