Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize