dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
