Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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